Bonus Rant - Ian Holloway

Ian Holloway is establishing himself as a firm favourite amongst football fans up and down the country thanks to his comedic quips in interviews and also for the extremely impressive results he has achieved at Blackpool.  However, as much as he is the darling of the English football media at the minute, some comments are not so well received and highlight a level of naivety and hypocrisy that is apparent in the Tangerines manager.  

            Ollie has been extremely vocal, as always, in declaring that his star man Charlie Adam is not going to be sold during this transfer window and has been scathing of clubs who have declared their interest in his man, particularly Aston Villa.  He has said of the bid Villa made for Adam: "Three-and-a-half million for him, you're taking the mickey out of us. It's an absolutely disgraceful offer. And why is it in the paper and why are they talking about it?”

So clearly Holloway has taken serious issue with another club firstly making a fairly low bid for a key player of his, and secondly that club letting the news be made public.  However, this stand point didn’t prevent him making bids for and publicly declaring his interest in Adam Hammill of Barnsley, Bradley Wright-Phillips of Plymouth and Jason Puncheon of Southampton.  All three of these players are as key to their respective teams as Charlie Adam is to his and Blackpool are not thought to have offered more than £500,000 for any of them, significantly less than £3.5 million they were offered and described as “disgraceful.”

Holloway’s famous rants are obviously entertaining and spice up what can be dull and routine press conferences, but his thoughtless, unintelligent ramblings can offend at times.  Despite repeatedly saying how much he is loving life in the Premier League he cuts a bitter figure at times and is often moaning about things going against his side.  This seems bizarre as it is a minor miracle that a club like Blackpool are competing in the top half of the Premier League, and their Cinderella story has made them everyone’s second favourite team.  As much as Ollie has added some much needed entertainment to the media circus that surrounds English football, he needs to think before he speaks a little more, and show others the respect that he constantly demands for his own club.

Footballer Needing Love - Emmanuel Adebayor

Manu hasn't had the best of times at Eastlands, he might think he's the bee's knees but his old man Mancini doesn't quite agree.  This is another Nicky Bendtner situation as it's not easy setting such an unlikeable man up, but duty calls, and there's got to be someone who wants the services of this top Togolese totty, so let's find them...

Emmanuel Adebayor - Manchester City
On his day Emmanuel is unplayable and undoubtedly one of the best strikers in the Premier League, and arguably the best target man around.  His goal scoring record has been good (although not prolific) wherever he has been, his hold up play is very impressive and he's got the two most desireable attributes for a striker, pace and power.  However, there are some downsides to our man, and they come off the pitch generally, he's a looker but with little substance behind it.  As far as his game goes there's not a whole lot wrong with it, maybe he could score more goals, he could certainly be a bit more consistant and maybe his work ethic isn't the best, and that is the link between his performances and his real problem, his attitude and personality.  This wasn't apparent when he arrived at Arsenal from Monaco, but as soon as he made it into the first team and became a household name, he fell straight into the trap of becoming cocky and arrogant.  Everything had been going well at the Emirates until he was linked with Italian big boys AC Milan and from then his head was well and truly turned.  He got his move away from Arsenal in 2009, not to an extablished big team, but to City, which didn't exactly improve his faltering reputation as he was clearly after the big bucks and not the trophies.  He started with a bang in Manchester but the spark died pretty quickly and as Mancini generally only plays one up (Tevez) and has just spent 27 million quid on another striker (Dzeko) it seems to be the end of this short lived and tempestuous relationship.  I don't think he'll be welcomed back by his ex in North London so we can rule them out, but there's plenty more fish in the sea, so let's get the rod out and go and find them...

Real Madrid???
This would be the dream move for Manu, as it clearly was for a certain other irritating, arrogant ponce who used to play in Manchester.  Having been made a cast-off at Eastlands, it seems odd that he could potentially get a move to the biggest club in the world, but the situation Los Meringues find themselves in at the minute means that it certainly is a possibility.  Bizarrely in such an expensively assembled squad Madrid only have two out and out strikers in Gonzalo Higuain and Karim Benzema.  Clearly the man I alluded to previously scores a huge amount of goals for them and does play up top on occasion, but he is really a winger and certainly shouldn't be playing up front by himself.  The Special One is extremely keen to add to his attacking options and is especially keen on a big but mobile forward, which of course is a bill which our man fits.  The suits at the Bernabeu don't fancy splashing out any more Euros, but they usually find some funds down the back of the sofa so I'm sure if Mr. Mourinho is at his persuasive best then he will get his man.  Could it be magic in Madrid for Manu???

Juventus???
I don’t know exactly what Manu is looking for in a woman, but he could well be tempted by Italy’s Old Lady.  Juve have dropped well behind both Milan teams in recent seasons, and our especially struggling this season and they are going to find it difficult to get into the Champions League spots.  This is simply because their squad is a shadow of that which was a huge force in Italian and European football before the unsavoury incident involving match fixing.  They still have stand out performers through their team, Buffon, Chiellini, Krasic and Del Piero from back to front, but the team around them is lacking some what.  In the striking department they have just brought in Luca Toni, but at the age of 33 he is not a long-term solution to the problem that Amauri doesn’t score any goals.  If they are after a big, mobile centre forward of this mould then Adebayor could well be just their man.  Manu has hinted at a move to Italy before, and becoming the main man at Juve would certainly be something he’s interested in, could it be an Italian job for our man that tempts him to Turin???

Bayern Munich???
Die Bayern have been linked with moves for strikers of late, most notably Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner who I’ve spoken about before.  This is understandable for a couple of reasons, Ivica Olic and Miroslav Klose are both the wrong side of 30 and neither have been prolific for Bayern.  This leaves Thomas Muller, who isn’t an out and out striker and Mario Gomez who to be fair to him has settled in at the Allianz Arena this season and is scoring goals.  These are reasons, but the most likely one is that they are down in 5^th in the Bundesliga and 16 points behind runaway leaders Dortmund.  The powers that be in Munich demand success and if they have to go out and spend then they will do it.  But is it a smart match for man and club?  Manu thinks he is the man for a big club and Bayern are certainly one of the biggest clubs around, and they will almost always be challenging for silverware at home and in Europe.  He would have to displace either in form Gomez or World Cup hero Muller, but with the fee they would likely have to pay, he’d probably be guaranteed a first team place.  There are certainly possibilities of romance in Bavaria, but could it come to fruition???

So who’s gambling on the gangly goal scorer???
This is a first for the matchmaker in that I’ve not offered up any options from the Premier League and there is good reason for this.  Firstly, there are only a very small number of clubs that could afford Manu’s wages which are a reported £160,000 a week at Eastlands.  Discounting Arsenal obviously, these are Manchester United, Chelsea and probably Spurs and Liverpool.  Man U and Chelsea could have had Manu when he left Arsenal but weren’t bothered and won’t have seen anything since to convince them.  Spurs perhaps would be interested but the Arsenal link is an issue, and I’m not sure Liverpool are the draw they once were for a player with a big ego.  The main issue is that everyone in England now knows what Manu is like, and that is a potentially very disruptive influence in the team as he has been at both clubs he’s been at in the country.  So he’s going abroad and I see Juve and Real as most likely.  Madrid wouldn’t be an option if it wasn’t for their bizarrely imbalanced squad, but they are now very real contenders and in fact I believe they are the most likely destination for Manu.  He will love this and I don’t think many others will complain, as both our man and Madrid often come across as the villains of their respective pieces, it seems like a good match.  So it’s Madrid for Manu!!!!

The best of Adebayor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyOsBZvG6vE
The Worst of Adbayor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvvsvsRG2b4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZBBdG_Tfow&feature=related

Footballer Needing Love - Richard Dunne

The Irishman looked to have found a cracking little relationship at Aston VIlla, but a new man in charge has soured relations some what.  Richard could well be looking for a new love in his life as his time at Villa Park looks to be coming to an unhappy end.  I've got you big man, don't worry...

Richard Dunne - Aston Villa
At times during his career big Rich has been one of the biggest catches around.  He has been rated as one of the best defenders in the Premier League, certainly during his spell at Manchester City when he won the club's Player of the Year award four years in a row between 2004 and 2008.  By winning the fourth gong he became the first player in the club's history to win four Player of the Year awards, an impressive achievement at a club steeped in history.  Richard started his career at Everton way back in 1996 where he impressed from an early age but reported attitude problems meant he had to move away from Goodison Park.  Maybe he wasn't ready for a mature relationship at such a tender age, so he moved on to Man. City for £3 million.  Relations didn't start perfectly and it took him about three years to get a set spot in the first team, but when he did he really proved his worth, winning the aforementioned awards.  Like earlier in his career though, it was outside factors that spoiled his relationship, Rich being a victim of the new investors at City looking for glamorous names.  Gary Cook, Chief Exec of City once said, "Richard Dunne doesn’t roll off the tongue in Beijing" as he was talking about breaking the Asian market.  So as being the best defender at the club wasn't enough to keep the suits happy, it was time for him to move on and join Martin O'Neill's revolution at Aston Villa.  It was all going swimmingly at Villa Park, as Rich and James Collins at the heart of the defence were helping to push the Villains towards the Champions League.  O'Neill left though and his replacement Gerard Houllier arrived and immediately fell out with our man, as he has with a few other members of the Villa squad, apparently telling Richard that he is fourth choice centre-back. Shocking!  So it looks like off-field events once more have Rich back on the dating scene, so let's get him back off it right away...

Sunderland???
Steve Bruce being a no nonsense kind of centre-back in his playing days himself will be as likely as any to appreciate Big Rich's style of play.  The Black Cat's defence has been impressively solid this season so far, but both John Mensah and Nedum Onouha are on loan and may well be gone at the end of the season.  Titus Bramble has been surprisingly effective, but there wouldn't be too many people who would pick him over Richard.  Sunderland seem to be a team on the up at the minute as well as they are serious contenders for a Europa League spot this season, so although being pushed out of Villa Park, it would still be an upward move for Rich.  At 31 years old he still has three or four more quality years in him at centre-back and he just wants to play regular football at a club where he feels wanted.  This could certainly be fulfilled with the Mackems, and if Michael Turner does come through as a strong Premier League defender then that could be a very handy central defensive partnership indeed.  Could there be (Stadium of) Light at the end of the relationship troubles tunnel for our Rich???

West Ham United???
They may well be bottom of the table (at the time of writing) but the Hammers are not nailed on for relegation just yet.  Their defence is a big worry, but they are looking to remedy this as they have brought Wally Downes in as defensive coach and are well on the way to bringing in Wayne Bridge at left-back.  The addition of Richard as well would create the basis of a decent Premier League defence.  There is talk though that West Ham's wage bill is already way out of control and they might not be able to shell out too much on experienced, expensive players. However, if they really do want to stay in the division then they are going to have to improve, so a gamble may well have to be taken.  Rich has never played down south, but I'm sure the move wouldn't be an issue for him, the real issue is where he sees the club going.  If Avram Grant can convince him that the club's future is in the top division and they will be moving up the league in the coming years then Rich could well be tempted to Upton Park.  Could it be Hammer time for Rich???

West Bromwich Albion???
It's been an up and down return to the Premier League for the Baggies who are used to being up and down between divisions in the last few years.  They started off very positively and have impressed with their attractive, passing game that has been too much for some sides they have faced.  However, they have come unstuck in recent weeks and problems at both ends of the pitch have been highlighted.  Their midfield is easily the best part of the team, but the goal scoring duties are almost entirely placed on Peter Odemwingie and at the back they are inexperienced and have suffered quite a bad injury crisis.  What they could do with is an experienced head at the back to steady the ship and guide them through the rest of the season.  They have Scott Carson as captain in goal, but he's hardly an inspirational figure and is prone to errors on a regular basis.  The Baggies are clearly looking to improve in quality as they have been strongly linked with another Villa misfit John Carew, and if they signed both Rich and the big Norwegian, they will be improved sufficiently in both their problem areas to keep them up.  The close proximity to his current club could also be a plus for Big Rich.  Is it a Dunne deal at The Hawthorns???

So who's got the luck to get this particular Irishman in over January???
Richard has had an excellent career, spending it entirely in the Premier League and being currently 31st on the list of all time Premier League appearances.  He certainly has his downfalls including receiving the equal most red cards in PL history with 8, alongside Duncan Ferguson and Patrick Vieira.  However, he is undoubtedly still a very capable Premier Leauge defender and is likely to be for a few years to come.  As Villa paid £5m for Rich, they couldn't expect to recoup anything like that amount after dropping him and admitting he is well down the pecking order, so he wouldn't be an expensive option for anyone.  What I think Richard really wants is regular football and to be a well respected, important member of the team.  At all three of the options I've suggested I think he would get this, but I'm going to match Richard up with West Brom this afternoon.  I think under Roberto Di Matteo the Baggies have the potential to be a really strong side in the top division, but they need one or two additions to make this happen.  Richard would be an extremely useful one of these additions and could just be the key to keeping them up and pushing on in coming seasons.  So don't worry Rich, your heart does belong in the midlands, it  just happens to be down the road at the Hawthorns.

Here's some videos of the great man, an added treat for matchmaker fans:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRGlRhmFE3Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXIIR6Fhs04

Footballer Needing Love - Christopher Samba

So the big man at the heart of the Blackburn defence had his own heart broken when fellow big man Mr. Allardyce got the chop from Indian chicken slayers Venkys.  Chris wants a new love in his life and I'm going to find it for him.

Christopher Samba - Blackburn Rovers
Chris arrived at Ewood Park back in 2007 when Mark Hughes bought him from Hertha Berlin for just £450,000 and quickly became a firm favourite amongst the Rovers faithful.  His height, strength and speed made him an immense presence at the back and Hughes could not believe big Chris hadn't been a hit in Germany.  Sam Allardyce arrived in 2008 and Chris was clearly his type of defender: big, uncompromising, no nonsense and most importantly really good.  It was a match made in heaven and the love was clearly flowing throughout Big Sam's couple of years in charge, culminating in Chris being made club captain at the start of the current season, showing his importance to the team.  However, disaster struck for the loving couple when Blackburn's new owners felt Allardyce wasn't the man for them and told him to pack his bags.  The Indians probably hadn't realised they were involved in a love triangle and severing one relationship meant it was an end for them and Chris as well.  Our man wants out so let's take Samba onto the dancefloor and see who's eyeing him up...

Aston Villa???
Villa are the club that have publicly expressed their desire for Chris, and are likely to make a move for him any time now, but would it be a good match for the big man?  Since Gerard Houllier arrived at Villa Park he has not had the best of times on or off the pitch as his side are floundering in the relegation zone and he has reportedly had bust-ups with numerous first team players.  Richard Dunne is one of the players that has had a falling out with Houllier (and assistant manager Gary McCallister) and he could well be on the way out of the club after he has allegedly been told he's fourth choice centre back.  The Irishman leaving could make room for the arrival of Chris, but would he want to go?  Although Villa are clearly a bigger club than Blackburn, they are very much in decline.  They're a million miles away from the team that was challenging for the Champions League under Martin O'Neill and there is clearly an unhappy atmosphere at the club.  Houllier is not going to be there long-term and so is unlikely to be allowed to build his own team so it looks like it would be very much a sideways move for Chris.  However, a big offer from the club could tempt him their way...

Bolton Wanderers???
The Trotters have been very impressive this season, mainly going forward, but Gary Cahill and Zat Knight have also performed very well in central defence.  So much so that Cahill is attracting the attentions of a number of big clubs, most noticeably Chelsea who are looking to strengthen their ageing back four.  Owen Coyle has stuck a £20 million price-tag on the England international but this might not put off the likes of Chelsea and Cahill could be on the move.  Bolton will be looking for a ready made replacement and Chris has the experience and the quality to go straight into the side and he certainly wouldn't cost £20m either.  Bolton are an improving team under Coyle and seem to be set for a top half finish.  Chris will be tempted by the potential of the club and also the locality to his current partner will mean not much upheavel for him.  Will it be a new Lancashire love for Big Chris???

Arsenal???
Well this will certainly be the most attractive option for our man, the North Londoners easily being the best looking of the girls on offer.  It would without doubt be a step up in class for Chris, but could he cope with such a move?  The big man has been a very consistant performer for Rovers in the last few seasons and their stand out performer along with Paul Robinson on many an occasion.  He is still only 26 so still has time to improve as you would say 28 or 29 would be a peak age for a central defender.  Chris is also the kind of influential centre back that the Gunners could do with.  It has been a problem position for them all season with new signings Laurent Koscielny and Sebastien Squillaci looking well off the pace.  Thomas Vermaelen will go back into the team when he returns from injury but Wenger has admitted that he's not sure when that'll be as he cited the injury could force him to sign a centre back in January.  With Chris having expressed his desire to leave Ewood Park he wouldn't be too expensive and he could be just what Arsenal need in January.  Could Chris bag the best looking girl in town with a move to the Emirates???

So who's putting their number in Chris' phone and hoping for a saucy text back???
It's hard to place the destination of our man's potential new love this season especially.  It has been such an unpredictable year in the Premier League so far there seems to be only two or three teams at the top who consistantly perform, then a whole load of teams that beat each other week in, week out.  This makes it look like a sideways move to a lot of clubs and even a backwards one if the new Blackburn owners really do pump a lot of money into the club.  It is also not just these three that will be thinking lustily about Chris this January as he has proved his quality over the last few years.  I think it is this quality that is going to earn Chris the dream move of the three I've suggested and fall in love all over again, with Arsenal.  Wenger couldn't be more different to big Sam, but the lure of the big club with the European competition and title challenges that goes with it will be hugely exciting for Chris.  These perks will also mean he is willing to accept not necessarily being in the first XI every single week.  This would be a huge test for our man, but he is exactly the kind of player that the Gunners seem to need at times and maybe its his time to shine.  Opposites attract they say and I think this is a potentially cracking new couple on the scene.