Nicklas Bendtner - Arsenal
Big Nick has all the qualities that should lead him to being a huge force in the Premier League, and at times has shown that maybe he will be. He is a huge presence upfront, standing at around 6 ft 5in, and has the power and strength that a good big man in attack should have. He also has shown the touch, control and calmness on the ball that you'd expect from a man that's played for Arsene Wenger from a young age, however, this is not shown anything like every week. He'll look like a young Alan Shearer one week, strong in the air, impossible to shake off the ball, banging in goals with his head and his feet, and then miraculously transform into an Ade Akinbiyi impersonator for the next game, missing endless chances and looking horribly out of his depth. This is a bizarre situation for someone who is seemingly, behind maybe Ronaldo, the most confidant man in professional football. On more than one occasion he has claimed to be the best striker not just at Arsenal (sorry van Persie), not just in the Premier League (sorry Drogba) but in the world (really sorry Messi). Nick's deluded thoughts are probably part of the reason why he doesn't understand being third or fourth choice at Arsenal, behind Chamakh, van Persie and maybe Walcott, and has said recently he may be looking to move on. So can we find the Danish Delight a place where he'll feel the love again and prove us all wrong by becoming the best player in the world? I hear he's already patented the nickname "The tall white Scandinavian Pele." Catchy.
The Reds are very much a one man show in the striking department, and have been for some seasons now. Kuyt is really no longer a frontman, Ngog I think is a little underrated, but still isn’t really up to it and the less said about Jovanovic the better. Torres has it all to do by himself most weeks, and Liverpool are very lucky that he is good enough to do this a lot of the time, as there aren’t many forwards around that could. I think it’s fair to say that Fernando would like a bit more help on occasion, and that Liverpool fans would like to see him given it. Although we didn’t see the best of him at the world cup, he and David Villa have been deadly for Spain
Everton?????
The Toffees have struggled with their forwards recently, quite surprisingly really. In Saha and Yakubu they have two proven goal scorers at Premier League level who should not be struggling to find the net. However, they have been and Everton really almost entirely on their goals coming from midfield. They do almost exclusively only play one up top which means Saha and the Yak have rarely played together, but still, their goal returns haven’t been the best. As a focal point for an attack that would bring the likes of Cahill and Arteta into play, Mr. Bendtner really fits the bill, obviously being big and strong and capable of holding the ball up. Nick has played out wide for Arsenal on occasion as well, so could fit into Everton’s five-man midfield if needs be. He would certainly get more games than at the Emirates and that would probably get his heart pounding again. Could it be Merseyside magic for Nicklas????? Used that before, could it be Goodison Park Greatness for Bendtner????? That’s better.
A.C. Milan
The matchmaker’s first delve into the foreign dating scene here as we look to pair Nicklas up with a fine mate. It’s come to this firstly because he’s been linked with the Rossoneri but mainly due to his attitude I don’t see him getting into bed with anyone but a really big club, so that rules out many an option at home that I would love to have matched him with, but just don’t think he’d go for. He’s a bit like an average looking bloke who’ll only date super models (also known as a twat). Milan have declared some interest in Nick as their legendary striker Fillipo Inzaghi has been hit with a serious injury and apparently Ibrahimovic, Robinho and Ronaldinho aren’t enough to lead the line. I’m not convinced Nick will find the love he’s looking for at the San Siro where he will be surrounded by such huge name and talent. He certainly wouldn’t be guaranteed first team football and him and Ibra is a potentially explosive relationship. It’s a move that would tempt any footballer though, and his pink boots would fit in in the fashion capital of the world, maybe. Will it be an Italian Affair for Nicklas?????
Bonus Fourth Option – Bayern Munich?????
What a treat for all involved as I continue my tour of Europe looking for love for Nicklas. Again this is thanks to Bayern declaring some interest in bringing Nicklas to Bavaria Europe . Nick would have to displace inform Mario Gomez and world cup hero Thomas Muller, but I would still expect him to get games. Performing for Bayern, one of the biggest clubs in the world would probably stroke his ego just as he clearly wants. Bavarian bliss for the Dane?????
So after this Europe-wide game of spin the bottle, who’s puckering up for some action?
As mentioned, Nick’s incredible ego has limited the options for matchmaking here to clubs that he doesn’t feel are beneath him, and to be honest he might even put Everton into that bracket. I think the Liverpool move makes real sense and I would be tempted to match Nick up with the Reds, but I am infact going to pair him up with Bayern Munich. This is a real tough one as there is a lot to take into account with this bizarre character, but if Bayern are genuinely interested in taking him to the Allianz-Arena then he couldn’t help but flutter his eyelashes back at them. Nick is still only 22 and if he went to Bayern and established himself in the first team, he could go on to become a real legend at the club. So maybe there will be some Anglo-German dealings in January, for love’s sake let’s hope so.
Arsenal fans, do you want to see the back of Nicklas?
Does anybody actually want him in their side?
Ironically you're right in the sense that Bendtner has all the physical attributes to really crack on in the next few years, it is just his twattishness and inability to learn that it curbing his development. What can one expect when brought up around the gooners one could say. With the humility of a Gareth Bale for example he could find himself entering the frame where he could actually reinforce his self loving comments with performances.
ReplyDeleteAs a player though I am a fan, if only he wasn't so frustrating.