Like an irritating mate who has a girlfriend and is constantly trying to set you up with her pals, I'm here to do the same, but for footballers in need of some love. I find footballers who have fallen out of favour with their team and offer them some ideal matches for them to fall in love once more.








Thursday 3 February 2011

The Transfer Window Rated - Part 1

So the month-long period of insanity that is the January transfer window is over and any potential couples will now have to wait till July to get paired up.  However there were plenty of relationships forged over the month, and no expense was spared in bringing together what will hopefully prove to be a whole host of loving partners.  In a three part extravaganza I look at 30 of the biggest deals from January that showed that romance is not dead and clubs will still do almost anything to get their man.  So in no particular order, here we go…………

Andy Carroll - Newcastle United to Liverpool £35million
Well I said no particular order, but I thought I’d start with arguably the most shocking match-up of the window, certainly by way of price.  Few would have predicted at the start of the season that a man who previously had next to no Premier League experience would be moving to Liverpool for a British record transfer fee just six months later.  Few would also have predicted quite the impact he has had in the top division, but even so it is still just impact, you would surely think that it would have to move onto sustained, consistent performances before he could warrant such a fee.  He is also struggling with a persistent thigh injury which is worrying for such a young player, and his off-field antics could well put some clubs off.  However, all these things considered, he is still a very good player, and has the potential to be a prolific goal scorer for both Liverpool and England.  There is no way he won’t get games due to the enormous transfer fee, and with fellow new signing Luis Suarez, there is potential for a lethal partnership.  There will be of course pressure for this relationship to succeed, but he’ll be given all the time and help he needs for the love to blossom.  There is little argument against the price being too high, but based on the match itself I reckon:
Match Rating – 8/10

Edin Dzeko – Wolfsburg to Manchester City £27million

Another big striker moving for big money, but this one raised much fewer eyebrows than Mr. Carroll’s move.  Firstly because Edin has been a target few numerous clubs for some time and is, in comparison to Carroll, very much proven, certainly 66 goals in 111 games for Wolfsburg is an impressive track record in a very competitive league.  Nearly all foreign imports struggle when arriving in the Premier League, but he is of a mould that should adapt quickly.  Big, strong, robust, good at linking up and most importantly he can finish, which is what will endear him to the City faithful most of all.  The potential of Dzeko and Tevez as a front two is unbridled and as Mancini looks to finally put an end to City’s recruitment drive the pair are likely to get a lot of playing time together.  On paper an almost perfect big man/little man tandem and playing two up could put an end to accusations of negativity so often levelled at Mancini. It sounds like a match made in heaven, so for these reasons…
Match Rating 9/10

Stephen Pienaar – Everton to Tottenham Hotspur £3million

One of the undoubted bargains of the transfer window was the capture of the South African midfield dynamo that is Stephen Pienaar.  Obviously it was the impending end of his contract that created such a knock-down price, and I promise this is the only value comparison to Andy Carroll I will do, but Pienaar is not less than a tenth the player of the big Geordie.  He is certainly a very good player, but he has moved to a team that has a wealth of very good players in very similar positions to his own.  He is unlikely to get a game on the wing due to the presence of Bale and Lennon, van der Vaart plays just off the striker so that position is out of reach, and Luka Modric will certainly not be losing his place as deep-lying playmaker.  There is one more spot left in midfield, but not even the attack-minded Redknapp would deploy five offensive midfielders at once, so that position is for Palacios or Huddlestone.  Considering Niko Kranjcar and Jermaine Jenas havn’t even been mentioned yet shows just how severe the competition is.  It could be the case that Stephen feels there’s more than two of them in this relationship and it’s not the mother-in-law that’s the problem, so because of this…
Match Rating 5/10

Stephen Ireland Aston Villa to Newcastle United – loan

This man certainly needed to be fixed up following the disastrous start he has made to his Villa career.  When he moved from Man. City, I for one thought that the Villains had done alright out of getting big money and Stephen in exchange for James Milner, however it looks like I’ve been proved wrong.  He has undoubtedly been a flop at Villa Park, but this certainly does not make him a bad player.  At times with City he looked like one of the best midfielders in the league, and if he can re-discover something like that form then he will be a huge hit at St. James’ Park.  Following the loss of Andy Carroll, Pardew might revert to 4-5-1 as the majority of talent in his team lies firmly in his midfield and certainly Gutierrez, Nolan, Barton, Tiote, Ireland looks pretty strong.  Also Ireland seems like he’s mad enough to enjoy himself in that set-up, so this move is getting…
Match Rating 7/10

Emmanuel Adebayor – Manchester City to Real Madrid – loan

I don’t want to simultaneously blow my own trumpet and highlight my inadequacies, but this was the one and only transfer I correctly match-made.  He hasn’t even given me a cut of his wages which I suggested in numerous e-mails to him, in fact he didn’t even reply, some would say rude.  I clearly think this is a top match, the only thing putting a spanner in the works is Madrid’s slight dip in form which makes it a bit of a difficult place to walk in to right now.  It does sound like Real only want him till the end of the season and he will have to do a hell of a lot to change their mind, but he can certainly give it a go.  Sometimes a short-term fling is good for all involved, so this deal gets
Match Rating 9/10

Adam Hammill – Barnsley to Wolverhampton Wanderers £500k

One of the stars of the Championship in the first half of the season, banging in eight goals from midfield, the majority of which being outrageous long-distance efforts that didn’t fail to catch the eye.  There were a few suitors circling around Oakwell trying to lure this diamond in the rough there way, and Mick McCarthy managed to charm him his way to Molineux.  Adam is quick, tricky, has a good final ball and as mentioned can score goals.  He has only shown these things at Championship level, but he’s only 23 and there’s nothing to say he can’t step it up to Premier League standard.  He could be just the spark Wolves need to drag them out of the relegation zone.  He’ll have to displace the likes of Stephen Hunt and Matt Jarvis which won’t be easy, but I still expect him to make an impact, so…
Match Rating 7/10

David Bentley – Tottenham Hotspur to Birmingham City – loan

I had a go at matchmaking David and I didn’t quite get it right, but as long as he’s happy, I’m happy and he looks to have got a positive move for him, and in turn for his new other half, Birmingham.  Dave’s quality is unquestioned, but he wasn’t getting a look in at Spurs and had to move on and the Blues were more than happy to welcome him in at St. Andrews.  With Alex McLeish often going for big men Cameron Jerome and/or Nikola Zigic upfront they are crying out for good delivery and Dave will certainly provide that.  He will probably also enjoy being a big fish again, as he was anything but that at White Hart Lane.  It seems like a smart match to me, so…
Match Rating 8/10

Gary O’Neill – Middlesborough to West Ham United – Undisclosed

Not the most inspiring of new couples that were forged during the madness of January, and you would have been forgiven for not noticing Gary’s arrival at Upton Park amongst the big name and money transfers elsewhere.  Gary is a pretty solid midfielder and is very capable of performing in the Premier League, but he isn’t going to transform The Hammers’ pretty woeful season.  He will join the ranks of fairly average midfielders that Avram Grant already has in his squad (Dyer, Collison, Faubert, Noble, Stanislas, Barrera, Hitzelsperger) I’ve not mentioned Scott Parker because he’s a very good player, but just another one that will be in front of Gary in Grant’s plans.  O’Neil and West Ham are fairly well matched, but it’s more because neither could find anything better and they’ve settled for something steady rather than the girl of their dreams, so it’s only…
Match Rating 5/10

David Wheater – Middlesborough to Bolton Wanderers – undisclosed (about £3m)

Dave was one of the most promising centre-backs in the country when he first got into the team at Boro, making it into a couple of England squads and being compared to Franz Beckenbauer at one stage, although I think this was a bit strong.  Boro’s relegation and his loyalty to stay with them in the Championship has set him back a little, but his talent is still there to be seen.  It was thought that he was being signed as a replacement for Gary Cahill, but he hasn’t got the big move that was expected so Dave is going to have to fight for the full time affection of Owen Coyle and make his way past Cahill and Zat Knight to get into the first team.  Owen isn’t someone to splash the cash without good reason though and I fully expect the relationship to blossom fully and Dave to be in the first team soon enough. Bolton have dropped off a little after their immense early season form but they’re still a club on the up and it looks like a good move to me…
Match Rating 7/10

Jean Makoun – Lyon to Aston Villa – undisclosed (between £4 & £6 million)

The next step in Gerard Houllier’s Villa revolution is to beef up their midfield with Cameroon international Jean from Lyon.  He started at Lille ten years ago and was a star of Ligue 1, attracting interest from all round Europe, but he stayed in France, with the then all conquering Lyon.  He wasn’t quite the success everyone expected, but Gerard clearly rated him highly enough to bring him over to the midlands.  Whether he is an improvement on the likes of Stylian Petrov and Nigel Reo-Coker remains to be seen and only time will tell, so rating this little match-up is not the easiest.  But having spent a fair chunk of Randy Lerner’s cash on the 27-year-old he is likely to get games and prove himself.  Gerard has a plan for Villa, it involves Jean and I just think it might work, so this new couple gets….
Match Rating: 7/10

So that’s your first ten deals discussed, there’s twenty more to come so don’t despair, come back in the next couple of days for the rest of the round-up of the winter love making.

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