Footballer Needing Love - Scott Parker

Football Matchmaker returns with a bang as the man who has become the Championship’s most sought after star is going to be fixed up.  There’s many a Premier League lothario that would love to take Scott back to meet their parents, but only one can achieve it, who will it be?

Scott Parker – West Ham United

If there has ever been one player that has not deserved to finish bottom of the Premier League then it is our man Scott.  His performances have seen him become a regular in the England squad over the last year and earn him the Football Writers Association Footballer of the Year prize.  There is still some love there between him and The Hammers as well, but a divorce settlement is going to suit them both financially and the end of the relationship is all but guaranteed.  The question is which of the many suitors for Scott are going to get lucky in the seedy disco that is the transfer window?

At thirty-years-old, Scotty might not be the long term prospect that some clubs might be after, but he’s still got a few years in him yet and there won’t be many of his quality around that will be available as cheaply, with The Iron desperately needing to cut their wage bill.  I’m sure you don’t need much help in looking for love Scott, but I’m going to give it you anyway…

Tottenham Hotspur???

Harry Redknapp has been lusting over Scotty for some time now, and like many a wannabe-wag is ready to pounce on the end of a relationship to get his man.  The rumour mill was whirring away with the speculation that Redknapp tried to bring in Scott last summer, and it is unlikely his interest has diminished over time.  The Spurs midfield is absolutely packed with talent, but it lacks a certain something that Mr Parker may well be able to provide.  The role that Scott would fulfil is, on occasion, filled by Wilson Palacios, who looked very promising when signed from Wigan but has proved a bit of a disappointment since and has only made 18 appearances this season.  I certainly think that Scotty would be an upgrade in this department, providing energy, drive, bite in the tackle and the odd goal much better than the Honduran, and would be the perfect foil for Luka Modric. With constant competition for places at Spurs though, you fear that Scott might not quite get all the games he deserves, and that could put him off a move across London to

White Hart Lane

.  If ‘Arry does fancy him as much as he seems though, it could just be a match made in heaven.

Arsenal???

Well this would be as surprising a match as Mr Douglas and Miss Zeta-Jones, but you never know, could prove to be as much of a winner.  Scott is certainly not Arsene’s type as he is not under-22, foreign and lacking the desire to win games.  However, the fact he is the opposite of those things means that he is exactly what The Gunners need, in what is a hugely important summer for the club.  Wenger really needs to make some big decisions during this window, does he continue with his failing protégés? Or does he revamp the spine of the team?  Well, in my eyes he needs to come out of his mid-life crisis when he constantly wanted the youngest models and accept that he needs some experience in the team, not just in central midfield, but that’s a start.  Scotty might not have the pure footballing talent of some of the Arsenal squad, but he brings every facet that they lack to the party.  He might not look like Cheryl Cole, but he cooks up a bloody good Shepherds Pie, happily watches Sky Sports and is excellent in bed.  Arsene Wenger, you know that’s what you want.  

Liverpool???

With the Dalglish revolution likely to be boosted with another large cash injection in the summer, there are certainly going to be some new relationships forged on Merseyside.  The form Liverpool showed in the second half of the season showed that they are going to be contenders again next year, and it will only take a couple of really good signings to give them a real chance of challenging for the title.  But is central midfield really the position they need to improve?  Meireles, Lucas, Maxi and Spearing have all considerably improved under Kenny and will all justifiably be aggrieved if they are to lose their place to a new boy.  The only midfield men that haven’t shone since the return of the King are the biggest names in the squad list, Steven Gerrard and Joe Cole, and you would think, Gerrard at least, will be given some more playing time next term.  Another time, this pair might have been a dream match, but it looks like The Reds just have too many other love interests at the minute.  This is unless Dalglish is harbouring some strong adulterous feelings for Scott, which we can’t rule out, as he possesses qualities that Kenny will value.  The quandaries of love…

So who is it that’s going to be combing Scott’s side parting for him in the mornings next season???

The three potential destinations I’ve offered up for Scott show the quality that the man possesses, and if he wanted to I’m sure he could walk into near enough any Premier League, but which one is best suited for him?  There’s no question that getting into bed with any of these three would be a much more enjoyable experience that the constant disappointment that has been his time at Upton Park, so it’s a win-win situation for Scott really.  What I really like the idea of, and who I’m going to match him up with is a move to The Emirates with Arsenal.  If he is not the only signing, and they bring in a central defender and another striker of similar ilk, then they will be strong contenders again for the title.  Going to Arsenal and being a key part in turning them back into genuine challengers and even title winners would be an incredible last stage of Scott’s career, which has been too long spent at clubs not winning trophies.  So come on Arsene, wake up and smell the coffee and realise what your team needs to improve, because our man Scotty won’t be on the market for long.