So it's a first for the matchmaker, as I try and find a whole club a new lover. I have to say after the way they treated their last spouse I'm not that keen on finding them some action but duty calls. I don't think I'll get many opportunities to matchmake an 135-year-old lass from Lancashire. So here goes...
Blackburn Rovers
So the new owners have come in from the footballing heartland that is the Indian chicken industry, and with their vast knowledge of the game that they've built up there have decided that Sam Allardyce isn't the man for the job at Ewood Park. They have unceremoniously put all his stuff in bin-bags and thrown them into the street in true bunny-boiler style. What is understandable from Venkys (the owners) is that they didn't like Big Sam's brand of football, which admittedly wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but it did a job and the way he has turned Rovers round from the state Paul Ince left them in has been very impressive, and playing direct football is how he's done it. Venkys have also changed their mind about settling for mid-table football and want to push for Champions League football, however have not mentioned anything about changing the initial £5m that they were offering for transfers. I'm afrad if your Sam Allardyce, Sir Alex Ferguson or anyone else without a wand and pointy hat, you arn't getting Blackburn into the Champions League with 5 million quid. So as difficult as this sounds, I'm going to try and find this newly available, high-maintenence lady a new man. One that can get an ugly mid-table side playing entertaining football and qualifying for Europe with no money, we shall see.....
Martin Jol?????
He's been made the favourite with the money people, and they usually have a good idea what they are talking about, but would he be the right man for our girl? Well he was in the strangely fortunate position, last time he managed in England, of being fired when people generally still thought he was doing a decent job and still liked him. So he got to leave his post with dignity and a reputation that was still intact. Since leaving Spurs he's had good with Hamburg and Ajax (win ratios of over 60% at both is pretty handy) but is now a single man, and I'm sure be relishing the prospect of a return to England. Venkys have said they'd like an Englishman to take charge, but having just ditched one of the few reputable English managers I don't think they're that fussed. Jol has one a couple of cup competitions in his managerial career and this is all a club like Rovers can really hope for, so he seems to have the credentials. Whether he is the inspirational figure that could lead a relatively small club to league and cup glory though I'm not so sure. Will Rovers get up some Dutch courage and ask Martin out on a date?????
Martin O'Neill?????
Martin number two on the list of potentials is another high calibre manager, and unless Venkys are really willing to give him some funds to spend, you would think he would be out of Blackburn's league. Again he is a manager who left his last job with reputation firmly intact, epecially since Gerard Houllier has done so badly since taking over from him. This would suggest Martin would be after a stand-out babe rather than the one or two pinter that is Blackburn Rovers, but as mentioned a substantial war-chest could change his mind. O'Neill is certainly an inspirational type figure and has had success wherever he has managed. His brand of football might not be as crude as Big Sam's, but he does have a tendency for the long ball to the big man, as his affinity with Emile Heskey throughout his career has demonstrated, so it might not quite be the sexy football the Indians are after. Although I have no doubts that if Rovers could slip on some lingerie and lure Martin their way then they certainly would, but have they got the figure for it?????
Alan Curbishley?????
Here's a man that has been single for rather longer than you'd expect. Did an incredible job at Charlton, which maybe was taken for granted, but their decline to league one also-rans has proved that what he did was truly sensational. He also did a better job at West Ham than any that have followed him and only left over transfer disputes. If this is likely to be an issue though, the situation at Ewood might just put him off a bit (as it would O'Neill for that matter). I'm sure Alan will be looking to get back on the dating scene soon though, and it's not often that a Premier League club that arn't struggling with relegation becomes available (except last week) so it might be an opportunity too good to turn down. However, whether he is the big name that the new owners might be looking for is questionable. Will Alan give up the batchelor lifestyle and settle down at Ewood Park?
Owen Coyle?????
Make an ugly team play attractive football. Check. Take a mid-table team to in and around the Champions League places. Check. Spend next to no money on your squad. Check. Well it looks like it's Owen Coyle then. He really has done an amazing job at Bolton and has done to them exactly what the Indians want done to Blackburn. The Trotters are also reportedly in pretty dire financial straights and if they are forced to sell prize assets like Gary Cahill or Johan Elmander then Owen might see his efforts as a little futile. The prospect of strong financial backing as opposed to a dodgy bank balance might tempt him to yet another Lancashire club. Owen is in a very loving relationship right now though, and it would really be a wrench for him to leave his current partner, but if Blackburn could tempt him their way, then it would be the steal of the year.....
Diego Maradona?????
I suppose El Diego is the equivalent of the really wierd girl you see around, who for some reason is attractive even though you know she's not really. You sort of want to go out with them because it would be mental but fun for a while, but you know it wouldn't be a serious relationship. There is no evidence that Diego could achieve anything at all in club managment. He got to the quarter finals of the World Cup with Argentina, but with the talent in the squad that's no great achievement, and in the more league-like format of qualification he only just scraped through. He is a volatile and unstable character but he is ofcourse a massive name in football, and for a seemingly naive new owner could be a tempting choice. It would certainly give Venkys some more publicity which is the whole point behind their venture into the world of football. Could English football be about to become a whole lot more exciting with the hand of God getting involved?????
So who are the new owners tempting round with a pint of Cobra and a Madras????? (I hope that's not racist)
Well I've splashed out here and gone for five contenders, but in truth there are a few more that could equally take fair Blackburn's hand in marriage. Also, with Venkys saying that they are in no hurry to appoint and they could leave temporary boss Steve Kean in charge for as much as two months, more contenders could arise. However, of the five I've offered up today they all have their appeal. For pure neutral viewing El Diego would be the choice, because it would be insane. For what the club want to achieve it would seem Coyle is the obvious choice, but here at matchmaker we want to build, not crush relationships and Bolton really would be devastated by that loss. So the match I'm going to make today is Blackburn with Martin O'Neill. If Venkys are really serious about getting anywhere near the top four they need to get their cheque-book out, and this is what could tempt Martin their way. He didn't quite manage the top four with Villa, but he could potentially go one better this time. Do you think Martin would get off with Blackburn? I reckon E wood (pleased with that one)
Who do you reckon should fill Big Sam's Big Shoes?????
Bonus article from goal.com ramblings: http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2896/premier-league/2010/12/14/2260543/blackburn-owners-explain-sam-allardyce-sacking-we-wanted
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