Like an irritating mate who has a girlfriend and is constantly trying to set you up with her pals, I'm here to do the same, but for footballers in need of some love. I find footballers who have fallen out of favour with their team and offer them some ideal matches for them to fall in love once more.








Friday 10 December 2010

Footballer Needing Love - Alexander Hleb

If ever a man has been on the rebound, then it's Alex Hleb right now.  Out on loan at a mid-table Premier League club who are prone to the long ball is not where he should be right now, and it is a result of him being so harshly cast aside by his dream girl of Barcelona.  Let's sort you out Alex...

Alex Hleb - Birmingham City (On loan from Barcelona)
Here we have one of the most talented midfielders in the Premier League, arguably in Europe, and is certainly the most skilled Belarussian to grace these shores since Pyotr Kachura (Sheffield United fans will remember him, met him once, lovely man).  Alex was in his prime at Arsenal where his incredible technical ability suited The Gunners' pass and move football down to a tea.  He seemed a personification of their one touch, pass and move play, although this included an inability to shoot at goal which was frustrating at times.  Our man had already earned the nickname "The Wizard's Apprentice" from his time at Stuttgart for his silky skills and trickery.  In the summer of 2008, the loving relationship Alex had with Arsenal was severed as he was lured away by the temptress that is Barcelona.  It was understandable, Barca really are the best gal around, and when she flutters her eyelashes in your direction it's impossible to resist.  Things didn't work out at the Nou Camp though, Alex couldn't break into the star-studded first team and first returned to Stuttgart on a season long loan, and now is at Birmingham on a similar deal.  Al has already complained about the direct nature of Birmingham's play, and has declared himself embarrassed at being left on the bench on occassions.  This is clearly not a match made in heaven, so let's find him one that is.....

Bolton Wanderers?????
Not that I want to jump on any band wagons, but Owen Coyle really has done an incredible job at the Reebok Stadium.  The Trotters were an ugly but effective team under Allardyce, then an ugly and ineffective team under Megson (wierd how teams can describe their managers as well) and Coyle has somehow managed to turn this situation round in less than a year into Bolton being an incredibly exciting footballing side.  It really is a phenomenal achivement after the years of drudgery that has been engrained on the minds of the Bolton squad.  Two years ago, matching Alex with Bolton would have been derided and I would have had to resign from matchmaking under a cloud of public abuse, but now it really is an option, as they have become the geeky girl who has turned out to be really fit when she finally puts some nice clothes on.  They already play with some similar types of players like Lee Chung-Yong and Mark Davies, but you'd think Al would be an improvement and would play regularly at the Reebok. With Martin Petrov in there aswell, it really could have the potential of a top midfield.  Could Al be tempted by the new look babe from Bolton?????

Sunderland?????
The Black Cats have been impressive this season, obviously the thrashing of Chelsea away being the highlight, and are establishing themselves as a genuine top-half club.  They struggled for goals a little at the start of the season, but this seems to have been cured with Bent, Gyan and Welbeck all getting in on the act.  They do have the distructive, and some what mental, presence of Lee Cattermole in midfield, but with Malbranque, Henderson and Zenden there, it shows they want to pass the ball and create from the middle of the park.  It would be a signal of intent from Steve Bruce that he really is trying to push the club on to be real contenders by signing a player of Alex's quality and reputation.  However, he would have to do what Birmingham have failed to and give him a pivotal role in the team, and play the brand of football that would suit him.  This sounds like Al is being a bit high maintenance, but surely that kind of football is what everyone wants to see.  The Wizard's Apprentice with the Black Cats?  A magical matchmake perhaps?????

Villarreal?????
Unfortunatly for fans in England, I just don't think there's that many options in the Premier League for Al to find some love.  He's got to be playing in the top half, because he's an excellent player, but I can't see any of the really big clubs being interested after his slump in form.  A return to Arsenal is a possibility, but I can't really see it happening, reconcilliations don't work too often.  So it could be a return to sunny Spain for Alex, but to somewhere that will appreciate him and treat him with the love and respect he deserves, so where better than Villarreal.  The club's success is an incredible achievement seen as the town of Vila-real where they are based only has just over 50,000 inhabitants.  But the club has come from nowhere to be a real force in La Liga, and has some excellent players that the locals all adore.  Nilmar and Guiseppe Rossi upfront is an impressive strike-force, but it is the link-up with the likes of Santi Cazorla and Cani in midfield that Alex could really benefit from.  As a point of reference, when Robert Pires left Arsenal for El Madrigal he absolutely loved it, maybe this is a path for Al to follow.  Will temperatures be hotting up for Alex en Espana?????

So Al needs a destination as he comes From Belarussia With Love.....(sorry)

It really is a tricky one for Al here.  He has quite a specific set of credentials he's looking for in a lady and certainly in England there arn't many where a match could be made.  There is no doubt that he is still an excellent player, and at 29 he still has a lot to give to any club that makes him there's.  There is always the possibilty that his relationship with Birmingham could get over it's initial troubles and blossom into something beautiful, but I can't see it happening.  Of the three choices I've offerred up to Al, the one I really want to matchmake him with is Bolton.  They really have been so impressive this season that they deserve to get even more quality into their team.  However, their financial situation has been publicly declared as shakey at best and I think the expense of a partner of Alex's calibre might just be out of their reach.  Therefore I'm going to go for the obvious choice which for me seems to be Villarreal, and if Al had to choose one of the three I think it would the Yellow Submarines that he'd go for.  So enjoy our man in the Premier League while you can, because he might not be around for long....

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